When People Pull Away

Alison SmithKV Style Column

We all have moments when our limiting beliefs affect our relationships. Others may not know what we are struggling with exactly, but they always pick up on the vibe. They know we are trying to get our needs met in indirect and unhealthy ways–and they want to get far away from that negative energy!

We have all felt people pulling away from us. Next time, notice what you are doing or saying right before you get that feeling. Chances are it is one of these following 12 behaviours*.

  1. “Being envious of everyone else.
  2. Taking everything too personally. – What people say and do to you is much more about them, than you.
  3. Acting like you’re always a victim.
  4. Hoarding pain and loss. – One of the hardest lessons in life is letting go – whether it’s guilt, anger, love or loss.
  5. Obsessive negative thinking. – [People who] speak incessantly about the terrible things that could happen and have happened, the scorns they’ve suffered, and the unfairness of life [push others away.]
  6. Lack of emotional self-control. – We all know these people – those who explode in anger and tears over the smallest hiccup or problem.
  7. Making superficial judgments about others. – Remember, what you’ve seen is oftentimes only what that person has chosen to show you, or what they were driven to show based on their inner stress and pain.
  8. Cruelty (or lacking empathy and compassion).
  9. Cheating and cutting moral corners simply because you can. – Cheating is a choice, not a mistake, and not an excuse! If you decide to cheat, and you succeed in cheating someone out of something, don’t think that this person is a fool. Realize that this person trusted you much more than you ever deserved.
  10. Hiding your truth. – People cannot connect with you if you’re constantly trying to hide from yourself. And this becomes a truly toxic situation the minute they become attached to your false persona. So remember. . .underneath all your external decorations you are a pure, beautiful being – each and every one of us are.
  11. Needing constant validation. – Those who get caught up in the need to prove their worth. . .and constantly want to win over everyone around them, are unintentionally toxic and draining.
  12. Being a stubborn perfectionist.”

Some examples of limiting beliefs which may underlie these behaviours are:

  • I’m unworthy.
  • I’m not good enough.
  • It’s too late.
  • I can’t be happy until…
  • I’ll never change.
  • Things never work out for me.
  • I’m unlovable.

Good news! When we raise our awareness of what we’re doing (ie. acting on beliefs that limit us and trying to get our needs met in these toxic ways) we can stop the pattern. We feel better and we become a magnet for awesome, positive people. When we release these behaviours, the drama disappears.

Do you need feedback from someone who will tell you the truth? I do that. Email me right now for a private strategy session. How much would it be worth to FINALLY get an answer to why people are pulling away from you? [email protected]

* This list of 12 toxic behaviours is summarized from an online article co-written and published by authors Marc and Angel Chernoff and career coach Kathy Caprino. The original post can be found at http://www.marcandangel.com/2014/08/10/12-toxic-behaviors-that-push-people-away-from-you/

Alison Smith is a life coach exploring her own limiting beliefs in Quispamsis. She shares her life and imperfections, at home with her partner and two kids, and online with the world at https://www.facebook.com/alisonsmithcoaching.


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Alison SmithWhen People Pull Away